You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
