i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
