Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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