if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
