If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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