Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
