help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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