There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
