I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
