you mean i was at the winter classic?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
