I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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