Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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