Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the day after is always just damage control
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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