So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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