and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
