brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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