I'm really into asian looking animals
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There r osticjed everywhere
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
