Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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