What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
