Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
