Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
