I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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