I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
