She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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