I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
