We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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