where am i from again
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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