I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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