Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
