I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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