Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
