so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
