I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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