Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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