Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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