Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
