What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
