So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
