so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
