I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
