my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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