Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
