mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
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