your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
