I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
