She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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