Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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