If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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