why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
