Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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