i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
50% drunk capacity currently
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Couch. On fire.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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