How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
