I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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