Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
