I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
