On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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