what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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