My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
