I canβt believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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