i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
